I want to officially announce that Trinity has changed her name to Sam. When we lived in NC she changed her name to Crystal. It lasted a couple of weeks..She decided it didn't fit her. This was about 4 years ago. In the last year and half she has found something that does.
Sam. I do know it started way before this, but I remember last August at the NE Unschooling conference in MA, we received our name badges. She turned hers over and wrote Sam. Some people called her Sam, some called her Trinity. In the last three months it has become more that just a nickname. She wants to be known as Sam. And I am happy to do it, if I can just remember. I have been calling her trinity for the last almost 10 years. It is a hard habit to break.
Sam is very aware of who she feels comfortable telling and who she isn't ready to share it with. She was with her cousins a couple of weeks ago, and if anyone needs reinforcements all you have to do is go to your sister, because BellaSky announced and corrected them by saying her name is Sam. Trinity, see? I forgot.... Sam's belly turned. She didn't tell them for a reason. She knew they wouldn't understand. With curiosity, they asked her why, she explained, they told her she couldn't do that, she said she could, they told if she didn't do it legally then they will call her Trinity. It was her first of many encounters she will have in her life of disapproval of any nonconforming choice she makes (and even using the word choice doesn't sit well with me, because we are who we are. It is by choice we come out.) In this particular situation it had to do with her name. She left it with, you can say what ever you want, you can call me Trinity but Sam is my name.
I was so proud of her.
She came home asking to change her name legally. If she does it legally, then everyone has to call her by Sam. Sure we can change it legally, but it was motivated by someone's disapproval. That should never be the reason to do anything. It has to come from within. Sit with it, feel it, and see what comes from this. With some processing she came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what a few people think of her, because there are a lot of people in our world that love, respect, accept her for who she is. Most importantly, we love and accept ourselves. And, this encounter doesn't have to change the relationship. She can choose that, too. We just know it is coming from a place of inexperience. A not knowing, fear comes from there. So we can give them time. And if they still resist, then it is there stuff, not hers.
This got me thinking... and I told her that I will really stay conscious of her name. I really want her to know she is seen and supported. Me forgetting isn't coming from a place of resistance, it is really just breaking my second hand nature of calling her Trinity.
She will be seeing her cousins this weekend. I told her when they are around, they are going to hear us call you Sam and they will experience us respecting you and embracing you and loving you...That is what they will see.
One of the reasons she goes by Sam is because it is a gender neutral name. Funny thing is before she was born, I wasn't yet where I am now about gender, labels, identity, sexual identity....the names we chose were Trinity for a girl and Jaden for a boy... I can easily say if I knew then what I know now, I would have called her Jaden because it is gender neutral. But she most likely still would be changing her name because she knows she just can. They live in a world where it isn't just girls and boys, no binaries. Sam can flow through her energies with out any self resistance, judgement, because we never told her she couldn't. Some people in the world will, but she has a very sturdy foundation. Sam is just Sam.
Calling her by different pronouns is another post I will not get into, but they are thinking about it.;)