I am at the trying it on stage right now...and just so you know..i know this is what i should be doing..habits are hard to break...
I am known to lay on my kitchen floor and stare at the ceiling and ask myself....what do i want to do? What is going to make me happy right now? "The kids don't need me right now, they are involved and focused on what ever they are doing at the time. What do I like?"
Life has shifted from baby to older children. I don't have any babies anymore. Luna is 2 and she is still a baby, but she isn't an infant..this is such a new stage in my life. No more babies.. Due to this shift there is more space.
A moment to just lay with my thoughts is the best gift I can give myself. Time feels like it stops for just a moment. I am able to think of me in that moment. For me, that is self love. I may not know what the answer is, but I am able to breath deep and have a quiet mind.
I am also known to forget to take that moment and lay on the kitchen floor. I pace the house wondering what to do next and which child will need what, clean and put things away-which is loving my house but I am aware that sometimes my motivation behind it is to keep myself moving and to distract myself from what ever it is I am feeling- that is not self love. I have a clean room or house but my well is still empty and on top of that then I am mentally drained from all the energy I just put into avoiding self love.
I truly believe this whole self love thing takes practice. It is like a muscle that needs to be exercised. It is very weak. The other thing that I am aware of is if I am not sure how to love myself, or take the time to love myself then how can I model this for my little women, and what is it that i am modeling? What are they learning from watching me?
Which brings me back to laying on the kitchen floor. Everyday they wake up and they naturally do the things that bring them happiness, that brings them joy. They feel so good inside themselves. They are modeling it for me everyday! I want to do these things too, I want to do something that makes me happy..But what is that? SO I lay on the kitchen floor.
I have been practicing the act of remembering to think of me in the morning. Even if i come up with nothing I still have that moment of quiet mind. That is my intention.
So onto self discovering the things that make me happy.
I love to write. That is what i am doing right now..They are playing and not needing me at this moment. Sharing this makes me happy inside. Luna is calling me..until next time.