Saturday, April 4, 2009

Not just any villiage

I remember a while back I had a discussion with someone about why I choose to unschool. They had mentioned what they look forward to with having their children in the school system. One being, it takes a village. Is there still a misconception that Homeschooling any type of homeschooling in our case unschooling or radical unschooling doesn't meet that need for the family?
I believe we need to do what is right for our family and do what feels good to us. That life looks very different for all people. I am not disputing that.
What I am disputing is the village. While being in school allows quicker opportunities to make good long lasting friendships, there is also the quicker opportunity to endure bad ones too. Then some will defend the lesson that children need to learn in being in those situations. I am sorry but if I were to be part of a group and there were some people that I felt uncomfortable around, whether it is their negative energy, or their unwillingness to accept people for who they are and are judgmental, do you think I will be going back to that group? Why would I continue to put myself through that? I think that so called lesson is too high of an expectation for a child to learn. It is hard for adults to be in that situation why would I want to put my child through it.
Being a homeshooler/unschooler gives us so many opportunities to experience life in a safe environment. Trinity does experience this conditional love on the playground or with other homeschoolers, but I am there to support her, help her navigate through her feelings whether it is talking it out with the other child or just letting her release her emotions, or moving away from the situation if that is what she needs. I am there. She will be held and protected and guided in those situations, not left alone and scared. I believe that these roots are giving her the confidence and security that she needs. It also most importantly keeps us connected.
Our village is filled with people that truly love my children unconditionally. Listen to them respect them. Outside that village we experience people who live life very differently then us and sometimes I am prepared for it and sometimes I am not. One night someone was scolding BellaSky and telling her she should say she is sorry..I looked at her, then BellaSy to make sure she was ok, I felt like dog when they tilt their head sideways...I didn't know how to handle that.. I just looked. Did she see why BellaSky pushed? Probably not. Some people only see a behavior not the underlying reason. It is so important to really pay close attention. And I don't force my children to say sorry. When they feel sorry they say it. But BellaSky is not going to say sorry when this little girl was in her space. I get it. Do I want anyone to get hurt, of course not. The other girl seemed fine. Thank god it wasn't her daughter that BellaSky pushed. I really don't know what would have happened. Anyway back to what i was saying.

Our chosen village may have taken a while to create, or may live really far away, but they are a great village. I think it does take a village to raise a family, but I am not going to have just any village.


Julie said...

i agree. my oldest is 15 and so many people tell me that he should be in school so he can experience all the crap that goes on and be exposed to all the negative things. I shake my head. How can we want this for a child.

gunter fam said...

you are such a great mama; so good to your babes and so inspiring to us other mamas out there. i get irked by the whole, "say you're sorry." thing b/c it's not authentic at all. why are we encouraging or even forcing kids to fake it? thanks for your writings.

Natalie said...

so nice to see you here stacy.
I think parents feel that way because if they don't what does that make them? they fear of being judged by other parents. "If I don't make my child say he/she sorry then this parent will think I am not a good parent" No one wants to feel like they aren't doing the right thing. But we really need to stay true to ourselves and what we believe to be true and stand in that and not let anyone steer us away from that.