I struggle with myself. I know in theory who I need to take care of. ME- happy mommy happy family. But in the midst of feelings, neediness, cuddling, crying, I realize they are all doing the very things that my body, spirit, mind craves. I need cuddling, I want to be witnessed in my tears, I am needing. There isn't a mother here infront of me to meet my needs. So I struggle with mothering myself. It is so important for me to be with ME but I can't leave my children when they are needing me. I can't walk away from them knowing they aren't happy and needing my milk and my arms wrapped around them. I wouldn't be present in the very thing that I need, because my body would be longing to be with them not with ME. I will wait with my arms wrapped around them and while my milk nourishes their soul and mother myself through mothering them. And soon they will breath silently and so will I. This is just where we are at the moment.