Monday, January 5, 2009

Making Space

What a wonderful holiday we had. It was our best yet! After Christmas my best friend Mai, from NJ came to stay with us. It was great living together for 8 days. She left yesterday morning and though it was hard to say goodbye, it was nice to create the space to prepare for the birth. It would have been nice for her to be here for it, but I don't think it was meant to happen. So I am still pregnant and trying not to live everyday in waiting.

We don't do new year resolutions. We like to let go of the things we don't want anymore (physical, emotional, energetically) to make space for what needs to come into our lives. I haven't figured out what mine are yet but I am working on it. I feel like my heart is just really open to anything that needs to enter my life, and at the same time I stand in fear as well.

I am standing in fear because we had a very scary incident happen last Sunday. Someone broke into our home. I didn't want to write about it but it is hard to ignore it. I feel uneasy at times but it is getting better for me. Trinity on the other hand is having a hard time with it. She is really scared at night. All I can do is be there for her and let her know that she is safe. I think I also need to heal the fears that I had in my childhood from experiencing break ins. I don't want the fear to keep repeating itself.

The conversations have been very interesting. I chose to speak and stay in a place of love and not fear . Though I was feeling fear I was feeling love as well. I am sure the fear seeped out anyway but that's ok. I know what my intentions are and am working on it. I was grateful that we weren't home and money was all they took. It doesn't even matter to me what they took , the invasion is very hard for me as it would be for anyone. We smudged the house that night and lit candles and I sent us and the house a blessing. I really trust there is something to be gained from this. We are all gaining something. I know it is happening. I can feel it. In the end the true gift will reveal itself.

We can still feel the abundance of our love and life together. No one can take that from us. That is what I spoke about with Trinity. I shared with her that I think that these people needed the money more than we did. Her response was, lets give it to them. And we did. It doesn't make it right but that was how I felt we can move on. I felt that I can move on.. At first I felt that I couldn't have my baby here but with the help of my RU LOA friends I was able to shift that. Birthing my baby in my home will change the energy here and it will be a gift.

Maybe that is what I will let go of. Letting go of what happened to bring in what needs to come in. Letting go of fear and feeling unsafe in my own home. That is what I want to let go of.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Giving it to them was a great idea.
Things like that are hard - there's so much yuckiness that comes with it. It sounds like your well on your way to healing, though.
Blessings to you.